May 24th, 2020
Hello All. Coming off of our fifth week of giveaways, NGH is still going strong and continuing to grow. We are looking forward to partnering with local organizations such as elderly associations and schools, and will hopefully start buying produce from farmers in the valley. Thanks to all of your generous donations, NGH has now raised $5000, as well as 150 masks and 50 sanitary bags!
Today, I would like to reflect on an interaction I had at last Friday’s giveaway. It was a hot day, sunlight streaming through the windows of the little shop NGH is set up in. Soon after I had set up the table in the doorway, a man walked up. He asked for a bag, and gratefully thanked me when I set one down for him. Then, he stuck out his hand.
Here, I became torn. Shaking someone's hand is so ingrained in our culture as a symbol of thanks and respect. It went against all my instincts to turn it away. However, I shook my head and apologized. I told him that I was sorry, but I could not shake his hand. I told him that it was not personal, but rather a safety precaution that I must follow in order to keep NGH going. Minimizing person-to-person contact is an issue that I am keenly aware of every time I set up for the day.
The man stared at me and started to frown. Then, he began to get angry. For what seemed like a long time, but was likely a few minutes, he told me how rude I was, how bad of a person, how mad he was about my refusal to shake his hand. With nowhere to go, and not knowing quite how I should respond, I stood in front of him and continued nodding my head, apologizing for turning down his handshake. Eventually, he left, and took the bag of food with him. Well, at least I had done my job.
Unfortunately, I would be lying if I said that is how I felt at the time. After staying calm through the unfavorable interaction, I found myself agitated and frustrated by this man. I don’t expect, or want, people who come by to get bags to feel that they are indebted to NGH, or feel the need to express gratitude. NGH is intentionally “low-key,” acknowledging the fact that food is a human right and providing it doesn’t make me, or anyone else, special. Yet, I was annoyed by this man getting mad at me, and a grey cloud hung over my head for the majority of the time remaining.
As I was packing up, the man returned. Upon spotting him approaching, I felt a tinge of apprehension. Considering that he had left in a rather foul mood, I did not expect anything good to come out of this second encounter. I was completely wrong. Coming up to the doorway, the man apologized. He explained that he disliked the masks, that he loved the bag, that he overreacted. He asked for me to forgive him. Immediately, I felt a wave of emotion much stronger than the negativity that I had been harboring. I smiled, and told him that I understood. I said that I wished that I could shake his hand, and hopefully would be able to soon.
It takes exceptional strength and courage to look someone in the eyes and apologize for something when you don’t need to. There was no pressure on this man to return, and we could easily have never seen each other again. But, he went out of his way to change his behavior after realizing what he had done. Our actions may not always be perfect, but how we react to them can make a much greater impact than our original misconduct.
As for myself, I am so glad that I did not react when this man first came by. Spreading more negativity never helps resolve a situation, especially like this with multiple layers of complexities. On the surface, it may seem that the man acted without reason, but surely he had ones of his own. Perhaps Covid caused him to lose his job, perhaps the distancing regulations means he can’t see family members or friends, or perhaps he was simply thirsty on a hot summer day. Whatever the underlying reason, I was not in a position to judge this man for his actions. All I needed to do was give him food. Leaving that day, what will stay with me is that, especially in times of stress and crisis such as this, we need to have compassion. We need to allow others to make mistakes and not react. Fighting fire with fire never puts out the flames. If we are a little less quick to judge and blame others when they do something we don’t like or understand, we can end up having productive conversations and be a stronger, more united community for it.
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